Keep Spinning

June 6 - 15 I rode 517 miles on my road bike. I had not been on a road bike this year at all.. and had been only on my mountain bike intermittently. The first day really took it out of me. I wasn’t worth much at the end of that ride, but the second day was better and it just kept getting better every day. I only had two incidents when cars lined up to make a left turn, the same as happened with my accident. The first one freaked me out a little because the car started rolling before I was through the intersection… but everything else was great.  I shot 1376 photos and edited them down to about 868 which I put up online: http://www.jrmints.com/coppermine/thumbnails.php?album=3

First.. an update on the vertigo. Gone. Totally gone. What a wonderful, freaky thing the body is!! I live with vertigo for two months, someone rolls me around on a table for 20 minutes and viola! Cured.

So, Biking Across Kansas starts this coming Friday. thought I was ready to embark on this 500 mile road ride… I had not had any more incidents where I saw cyclists on the road and broke down into tears… so I thought I was ok.. but today I had to go to my lawyer’s office for the first time since right after the accident.

The insurance for the guy who hit me, they wanted to get a statement from me over the phone and my attorney wanted to be present. So I went in and answered all the interview questions about the accident.

Facts, figures, gory details, pain, injuries etc.. no problem. Then he asked if there was anything else he should know about long term damage. I told him about the “dead zone” between my eyebrow and crown of my head etc.. then I started to tell him about the fact that I am worried about some emotional damage…

I told him about pulling through that intersection that day and seeing a cyclist and having a complete panic attack. I told him my first thought was to make sure the guy was wearing a helmet.. but then that I felt an overwhelming fear take over as I worried about the rider… and that even though I turned in the opposite direction, I became panicked that I was going to run over the cyclist….

As I’m telling him about it, I start crying uncontrollably and having a hard time breathing again… I could barely finish the story.. after we got off the phone I told my lawyer that I am terrified I’m going to have a panic attack on BAK. I don’t see them coming you know.. but all it takes is one tiny trigger and I’m hardly able to function.

Getting a little nervous here.

A good friend recently told me to keep in mind that this BAK is no different than last year. To ride in the same frame of mind as last year, it is no different just because of a freak accident.

That is awesome advice and may be my mantra for that entire week.

Thank you all for listening to me like this when I feel the need to bare my soul a little more. 

Paula

So a while back I posted about “Interesting Dizziness Cause”.  Today I got treated for it.

I’m going to explain this because I think it’s really cool.

When the car hit me, it knocked some crystals loose in my ear canal.  Did you know you all have these?

I guess there is a river of jelly stuff in your ear, and there are crystals floating around in there.. when you turn, bend, move, etc those crystals drag through the gel and stimulate nerves to send signals to the brain to tell you which way is up etc. There is also a little river of water beneath that gel.

When I got hit, it knocked my crystals out of the gel and into the water.. so when I tilt my head certain ways, I experience vertigo. My eyes start to jiggle around and I’m disoriented and nauseas until the crystals settle somewhere. To diagnose this, they had me lay down with my head to one side while I worked to keep my eyes open.. they watched my eyes as they started sort of spinning back and forth like if you were turning a doorknob. The intensity of the spin and how long it lasts tells them how severe the vertigo is.

On my left side I barely had any movement; but on my right side they said it was severe.. which is why I get nauseas etc.

So this morning, an audiologist had me do some moves with my head and body to try and reposition the crystals so they aren’t sending the wrong signals… as a result, I have to pretend I have a book on my head for 24 hours.. cant look up or down or lay down. I have to sleep sitting up tonight.

Are our bodies interesting or what??

Paula
 Also interesting is the fact that this very morning, MSNBC posted an article about the exact manuever, called the Epley Manuever. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24794511/from/ET/

Life is pretty much back to normal. I’m riding my mountain bike again. I haven’t yet started riding my road bike, but after this weekend I need to bite the bullet and get back out on the streets. I am participating in BAK Biking Across Kansas from June 7 - 14. That is a 500+ mile road ride from the Colorado border to the Missouri border. Last year was my first time participating and it was wonderful. So awesome to spend a solid week with 800 people who love, live, talk, breathe biking as much as I do. Very cool.

My head wounds are still numb. I still cannot feel anything above my left eyebrow. My forehead there is missing some muscle so most of my eyebrow/forehead doesnt move when I make expressions. Sometimes that whole part of my head will start to itch, almost burning… and since it has no feeling I can’t really scratch the itch. That drives me batty. Sometimes that feeling goes away when I press my palm really hard down on it for a few seconds.

So here is how the scar is shaping up:

Someone wanted to see me smiling.. so I’m adding another pic. Thanks Bruce.

This past weekend marked the 5 week anniversary of the accident.

I took the “new” bike out on Saturday, put on a helmet for the first time and pre-rode the course for the Red River Shootout in Ardmore, Ok.

I rode for an hour or so, one loop… and I felt great.  I was a little extra cautious, both because of the injuries and because of the new bike… but I was very surprised at how I physically felt, so the next morning when I still felt pretty good, I decided to sign up for the race.  I knew I would just be doing it to finish, but I needed to have that “restart” point.

I think I took about 3 hours to do the two 8 mile laps; but I did stop along the way to talk to a few people who were having mechanicals.  I even stopped once to move a snake off the trail. It was a cute, green, grass snake. He was all stretched out in the sun and would not move. I didn’t want to run over him so I reached down and “petted” him. He moved slowly out of the way… so I just picked him up. That made him really move and he squirmed away off into the leaves.

I came in second out of two… aka last place. But I had a very good day and didn’t feel bad the next day.

It was also awesome being welcomed back by everyone.  I know this was the first race after the Tulsa race; but it felt like I had been “gone” from the scene… so I really appreciated all of the well wishes and hugs from everyone!

More photos from the race here: http://www.jrmints.com/biking/2008/08_0504_shootout/index.html

A friend of a friend’s mother had a head injury a while back and her doc diagnosed her with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo.  I was amazed when I read the symptoms. They are IDENTICAL to mine.. down to the way I was telling people they were happening.  When I lay down in bed, when I’m shopping and I look at the top shelf etc… all of those identical things are listed on this page.

http://www.tchain.com/otoneurology/disorders/bppv/bppv.html

Basically, when your head gets hit really hard, it knocks a bunch of calcium crystals loose and they float around in the fluids in your ear.. anyway, read about it, it’s cool.  I go to my doc tomorrow and am going to see if he will try this procedure on me.

I hope to be back on the bike this weekend.  I’ll let you know how it goes!

Oh.. and I tried putting a little makeup over the scar today.. take a look under “Progression of Wounds” to see how it’s going. http://jrmints.com/blog/?p=10

I went to the grocery store a few minutes ago. A routine drive of about two miles. I was fine.. singing along to the radio… and I got to an intersection, a four way stop. There was a cyclist approaching the intersection directly across from me. There were cars approaching the intersection. Everyone stopped.

I had a funny thought go through my head that I was taking note of whether or not the cyclist had on a helmet. (he did) … Everyone proceeded in appropriate fashion, but as the cyclist went through the intersection, my heart started racing, my stomach got tight and by the time I had taken my turn through the intersection I had tears streaming down my face.

I had so many things going through my head. I was terrified for the cyclist, I was feeling like he was in danger. I even had a strange feeling as though I was afraid *I* was going to run over him! I wasn’t even going the same direction as him. He turned North I was going South… but I had this tiny little panic set in like I just knew something horrible was about to happen.

When I got to the store, I sat in the parking lot for a bit trying to collect myself.

After I came out of the store, I started thinking about it again and realized that the weather today is EXACTLY what it was the day of my accident. I wonder if that had something to do with it.  It is a misty, dreary, wet and gray day.

I was fine on the drive home… but something about seeing that cyclist really set off my emotions. I swear, I am normally just not that volitile.

On another note, the story of my accident was featured on the Podcast “The Fredcast” (http://www.thefredcast.com) today. That was a little surreal to hear my name mentioned “on air” but if the story had been about anyone else I would have very much appreciated how scary it sounded. It made me think back to the night I got home from Tulsa, the night of the accident, when my son first saw me and asked “Mom, what if you had been killed today? What would happen to me?”  I’m a single mom of a 17 year old boy. Yeah, he’s big enough and old enough to get along, but the thought of my son losing his mom really got to me.  I would like to find a way to make sure drivers understand the consequences of their actions; but am not sure what that method could be yet.  I’ve always thought that when people yell or “buzz” us on the streets that they just don’t think about or realize that we are someone’s mom, sister, brother, father out there just trying to enjoy the world and improve our fitness or maybe just get from point A to point B. 

I’m sure there’s a reason for my accident… for my AMAZING lack of long term injury…. and it will be apparent to me in time.

 Paula

There’s probably not a hotter topic for cyclists than the issue of who has what rights and responsibilities on the road.On any given day, a cyclist will be riding along the road and have motorists yelling and honking at them to get off the road… to get on the sidewalk. If we move to the sidewalk, we have pedestrians yelling at us to get on the road.  Which is right? Which is the law?

Both.

It depends on what part of what town you are in as to whether or not it is legal to ride on the sidewalk. 

I prefer to ride on the road so I can be a little more sure I am seen. If I am on the sidewalk, and I approach a cross road, a car pulling out is going to be looking on the road for traffic, not on the sidewalk.  If I ride on the sidewalk, I have to deal with those intersections as well as driveways. Motorists just are not looking for faster moving objects on the sidewalk.. they expect those to be on the street.

At a stop sign or a stop light I will “take the lane”. I will move over so no car can scoot up next to me. A car scooting up next to me so we are sharing that stop will hide me from other cars and possibly clip me as they come into the intersection.

If I approach an intersection and I am blocking the turn for a car behind me, I will scoot up and let the car turn if I feel safe doing so.

The way I have always ridden, and will continue to ride, is as if I am in a car.  I will stay on the street and I will obey every signal and law as though I were driving my car.  In addition, I will assume no one can see me and I will assume every car is out to get me.

This approach was how I behaved the day of my accident. It didn’t keep the accident from happening, but I have absolutely no regrets about my actions that day. I saw the car, I tapped my brakes so I could slow down and make eye contact with the driver, the car stopped as though I were another car to legally let me continue in my current direction. But then the driver did something crazy. He pushed on the gas. I believe he was cutting the corner to get through the turn before me.  I can’t be sure of this. I only know that the officer told me later that the driver said he saw me.

The bottom line is that when an accident happens the cyclist will always lose. There is no way a two ton vehicle is going to come out on bottom in an accident with a 20-40 pound bicycle. Every cyclist has to decide what they are comfortable with and then ride accordingly. 

I will always wave a thank you to those who allow me right of way or work to ensure my safety.  Those motorists know that the bottom line is that we are all someone’s mom, dad, brother, sister… and that the few seconds it takes to allow a slower vehicle to go by is not worth changing lives.

Every cyclist and driver should brush up on “the rules of the road”.  Here is the Kansas Statute:

http://www.ksdot.org/burrail/bike/biking/KsBicyStatutes.asp

So Wednesday was my first day back at work. I worked from 8 -3 and that just about took all I had.  Thursday I was much slower getting to work. I just couldn’t pull it together. I showered, then lay down. I put makeup on, they lay down. Little by little, I finally got ready for work and got there.  After about an hour, I just couldn’t think.  I felt wiped out, weak, confused, frustrated.. and the dizziness just kept coming at me.  Once I realized I wasn’t going to make it through the day, I went home. I cried all the way home.  It didn’t seem like I was crying for any particular reason.. just really tired and frustrated. I’m not in a lot of pain, but the aches and pains are everywhere and don’t seem to be letting up.  I find that I’m not taking deep breaths.. and carrying my purse and laptop is just uncomfortable.  Putting on my seat belt in the car requires that I twist my ribs and it always makes me yelp a little.  I think I’m just tired of not feeling “normal”. Usually, when I’m tired and frustrated, I get on my bike and right now, that’s gone too.  So yesterday I just went home and went to bed at about 11:30 in the morning.

I slept for a few hours, then got up and went to the KSS (bike club) meeting at 7pm.  There I found some “normal”. Just sitting with friends, friends who understand the crazy passion that got me into this mess to begin with.  My normal, day to day friends and coworkers.. they understand I have this passion, but there’s still a difference between them and people who don’t even have to ask if you’re going to ride a bike again.  There were a few new guys at the meeting last night, and after the meeting, one of them came over and gave me a gift card to Panera.  That was SO SWEET.  I want to thank them here, as I don’t know their last names or email addresses.. So Thank you to Geoff, Bruce, Rich and Branden.  I hope to get to know you guys better in the coming months.

This morning I had another act of pure sweetness. First, a little background info.  At work, we have a cafeteria. In the cafeteria is a cook named Jessie.  Jessie knows how to make GOOD sausage gravy for breakfast.  The head chef doesn’t allow him to do this very often… or maybe there are just days that he doesn’t have time.  Every morning, I go to the cafeteria and do a gravy check. If it is plain white gravy, I just get a coffee and go back to my desk.  If it is the chunky, sausage gravy, usually the assistant, Leroy or maybe Jessie will hold up a ladel full of gravy and say “Hey Paulaaaa.. goood gravy….”  Very cute.  

My friend, Holly, and I do “Gravy Alerts” in the morning. If one of us goes down and the gravy is good, we come back and give each other a “Good Gravy Alert”… I even made up a song about the gravy and Jessie.  We sing it to the tune of “Jessie’s Girl” but instead, it’s “Jessies Grill”…

Jessie is a cook,
Yeah I know he’s been a good cook of mine
But lately something’s changed
It ain’t hard to define
Jessie’s got himself a gravy
And I want to make it mine

You know I wish that I had JESSIE’S GRILL……

So today, I headed to the cafeteria.  There were about 10 people in line, but, as usual, I cut the line and peeked at the gravy. Plain white.  I headed to the capuccino machine and then went back to my desk.  About ten minues later, I was working and a “to go” plate from the cafeteria appeared on my desk. I looked up and there was Jessie.  He said “I saw you looking at the gravy this morning. I though you might need this today so I made some just for you.” 

My heart melted. I told him he was so sweet and thanked him.  After he left I started crying again. I tell ya, I’m a mess; but the caring and support that people are showing me is just overwhelming me more every day. 

I know I know. It’s just gravy… but really, it isn’t.

If you have any bicycling “Funnies” to add, email me or put them in the comments area below.

Thank you to Mike and Stacy McLeod for these photos.

Click photos to see them larger.

04/08/08

I got the stitches removed today.
There were a few places that were not quite ready, so as a precaution, they put steri-strips over those spots.

Click photos to see them larger.

So last night I ventured out into the real world for the first time since the accident.  My friends Patty & Kim wanted to go celebrate life. Patty just had a birthday and Kim survived the Greensburg tornado… I just had my bike wreck, so we all had reasons for celebration.  I don’t think anyone was too freaked out overall.  I did get a lot of looks. I had a headband on for a while but it just didn’t feel right. Patty and Kim assured me that I wouldn’t make anyone lose their appetite in the restaurant, so I took the headband off.  It probably helped that it was a dark restaurant.

Yesterday, I did go to my general doctor to ask him about some severe dizziness I have when I lay down or tilt my head back. He said my inner ear/balance stuff might have been thrown out of whack during the accident. Also, I can’t really pick anything up with my left arm.  When I try to, it feels like my arm is yanked out of the socket at the shoulder. Dr. Phillips thinks maybe my shoulder could have been dislocated during the accident but popped back into place causing some tearing of the ligaments etc.

Anyway, at the Dr. office, there was at least a dozen people in the waiting room.  My ex husband, Dan, had driven me there and within a few minutes he said “Boy, you do get their attention, don’t you?” :) 

So. I decided to have this shirt made up. It’s a fun idea I thought.  The shirt explains enough to break the ice for people… then if they want to know more, they can text the word “BIKEWRECK” to a number with their cell phones and they will get a little more explanation along with a link to my accident story.

Yeah, my life is an open book.

Please use the “Comment” feature below to add your own story or any articles on bicycle safety etc that you would like to add.

So maybe this will help a little with the visuals.

Here is the interactive Google map of where the accident happened. Zoom in with the tools on the left to see details.

View Larger Map

Click map for a larger view. 

Click images to see them larger.

May 15, 2008 - Almost 7 weeks after the accident

April 24, 2008 - 26 days after the accident Today I played with putting a little makeup over the scar.

April 19, 2008 - 20 days after the accident.The Scar is shaping up. It’s to a point now where it feels worse than it looks. And the word “feel” is a strange way to put it. Basically, my head is numb from the center of my forehead, over to the lower cut in my eyebrow, then up and back to the crown of my head. It feels like when the dentist numbs half your face. Touching it feels like I’m touching a plastic covering on my head…and I cannot raise my eyebrow. In the morning, when I put on mascara, I cannot lift my eyebrow. Only the corner, where the lower scar is, will move.

April 08, 2008 1pm - 9 days after the accident. I got the stitches out.

April 03, 2008 1pm - 4 days after the accidentI put makeup on for the first time since Sunday. I only had to use half of what I normally use. Bonus! :)It’s a good thing my favorite color is purple huh?

04/01/08 2PM -   2 1/2 days after the accident - finally got to wash my hair! Ironically, I’ve been growing my bangs out and they go to the other side. I have a cowlick on this left side so the scar will be showcased.

03/31/08 10PM - 36 hours after the accident

03/31/08 12PM - 26 hours after the accident

03/30/08 10PM - 12 hours after the accident

I took the pads out before I shot these photos.

Click photos to enlarge them.

Evidently, the car hit the bike right at the head tube and snapped it there.

Click photos to enlarge them.